forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
