I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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