Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
