so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
