Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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