And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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