If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
