his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
