yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
