his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
