I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
