Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
