I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
