i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
