i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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