Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
