Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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