and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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