yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
