my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
