i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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