she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
