i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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