A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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