She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
