Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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