U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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