Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
