I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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