Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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