I hate your face
you traded sex for a burrito?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
