Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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