Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
