Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
