Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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