I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
