It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
