How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
