My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
