There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
