I must be too annoying 4 u.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
