i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
