I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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