I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
