did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
