Your face is a jimmy john
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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