I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
