i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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