i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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