wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I supernannyed him into submission
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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