My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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