Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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