and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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