That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
