you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
